Hope and despair – could they be any further apart from one another? They’re opposite ends of the spectrum and yet those are the two feelings I find myself battling with/struggling with every day.
I’ve been silent on the technology front. So silent that I’ve gotten a surprising amount of emails and texts asking if I’m okay. Those friends who have reached out to me, asking if I’m okay, have given me glimmers of hope in some very desperate days. So, thank you to those who’ve noticed and commented on my absence. I’m on a technology break. As much as I have embraced technology over the years, I need to step back from it. Particularly Facebook…I used to love throwing out random, useless, non-sense onto Facebook daily. It was fun, it was nothing, it was a quick way to briefly connect with others. But now, all I see are people throwing out fake joy. Covering up what is really going on, pretending life is okay, when it is anything but. And when I know, I know what is going on in their lives and I see their ‘status updates’, it irritates me to a point that isn’t healthy. So, I’m on a break.
Despair. I honestly can’t recall ever feeling as desperate as I have these last few months. I have never been at a point this low in my life, ever. You know when you’re just chugging along through life, living your day, raising your kids, doing what you do – and then in one instant, all of that is taken away. You go from, I’m happy, I have a really good life – to, what just happened? What is going on? Why? What am I doing? What is this mess I call life?
Hope. I need some. I need some hope. I need to find a way for some inner peace and calm. How do you find it? I know so many find peace and calm in church, I don’t. I just don’t. Where else do you find it? How do you pull it out from within? How do you do it? How do you make it through the bad times? I’ve had some really good conversations with my mom and some friends about bad times. Everyone has them. Every relationship has them. Some people own them and some don’t. But, it’s how you deal with the bad, that matters. I’ve decided to face the bad head on and deal with it, I won’t run from it.
Please share with me some of your strong words; that help you get through the bad, that help you and your heart heal.
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